Values merit a deep exploration because of the crucial role they play in determining our behaviour in every arena of our lives—especially our businesses. If you missed Parts 1 and 2 of this article, you can find them in the articles section under the “More” link. Part 1 explores how values are formed as well as how they motivate us towards and away from our goals. Part 2 explores how our values can sometimes sabotage our businesses and how to identify possible value conflicts. In this article, we explore how to create strategies to overcome these conflicts. If you have not completed the values exercise I included with Part 2, you may wish to stop and complete it before reading the rest of this article. It is a wonderful exercise to complete, especially as we move into the new year!
Understanding the Values Pull
Once you have completed the values exercise that was included in Part 2 (I have reattached it here as well), you will have list of your values with an accurate ranking of how much “pull” or influence each one has. This is important knowledge. While ALL of our values play a role, the top 10, and especially the top 5, direct the course of our lives. In essence, our top 5 values have more influence over us than all others in lower positions. In a battle, value 3 will win over value 15 every time. Our happiness and our physical health are directly linked to how well we are aligned with our values. We cannot live well, or long, if we are not in alignment with who we are.
Consciously or unconsciously, our values move us in the direction of fulfilling them.
This is why I often give new clients this values exercise. Before you make any changes, you want to make sure those changes are in the direction of as many values as possible, but especially the top 5. If you are trying to do something that goes against your top 5 values, your unconscious mind will create blocks and will sabotage your efforts. The unconscious mind is “moral” in that it MUST act to bring you what it has been encoded to believe. Therefore, it must bring your top 5 values into existence—at any cost!
If there is something you want in your life, and you don’t have it, chances are it is in conflict with one or more of your top 5 values.
Identifying Values Conflicts
If you completed the values exercise, you will have a list of values and their ranking. One common and often highly-ranked value amongst entrepreneurs is freedom. The freedom or personal expression values are two of the values most likely to result in conflicts. Almost everything else conflicts with them. For example, take a look at some values freedom can potentially be in conflict with:
- Security
- Stability
- Responsibility
- Discipline
- Relationships
- Dedication
- Meaningful contribution
- Creating a legacy
- Health
Valuing anything on the bulleted list would require a reduction in freedom. If freedom is ranked down at 15 that might be okay, but if it is ranked in the top 5, you will begin to sacrifice the other values because they interfere with your freedom.
To identify a values conflict, look for something in one value that could act as a block to having the other. Look for things you would have to sacrifice in one value if you were going to have the other. For example, discipline might mean doing the same thing at the same time every day—that impacts freedom! Chances are, it is the lower-ranked value that will be sacrificed. I know many successful business people who have wonderful businesses but poor health, terrible relationships, or a lack of discipline and follow-through for long-term projects.
Resolving Values Conflicts
There are two main approaches to resolving values conflicts:
- create unity within the conflicting values
- move the value you want more of up into the top 5 or the value you want less of down
Creating Unity Within Values
I recommend creating unity within values as much as possible, even if you also move your values up the ranking. Creating unity takes more time; however, it is a wonderful process that will bring you a fuller understanding of yourself. It will also help you create successful strategies that will serve you well in life. In this approach, you want to find a way to “hang” a goal on as many values as you can AND also feed any values that are in conflict.
Let’s say your goal is to create a business that you can one day sell for a profit and then start another business. Let’s also use the list from above and assume that these values are ranked in order:
- Freedom
- Security
- Stability
- Responsibility
- Discipline
- Relationships
- Dedication
- Meaningful contribution
- Creating a legacy
- Health
The goal of owning a business you can build and one day sell for a profit “feeds” the values of security, stability, discipline, dedication, meaningful contribution, and creating a legacy. However, it is potentially in conflict with freedom, relationships, and health.
What is crucial to understand here is that the freedom value must somehow be fed or your unconscious mind will begin to backlash and create sabotage. This means that you need to find a way to do something at least weekly to satisfy this value. If you can do something daily, that is even better. You may take time each day to do something you enjoy or something that gets you out of the office—or both!
I feed my freedom value, and my health, self-care, reading, and having fun values, all at the same time by taking every Thursday morning off. I reward myself for all my work over the week by spending Thursday mornings at my favourite coffee shop in Elora reading a novel and eating homemade scones. It is a wonderful mental health break. I both schedule it in my calendar and use it as a reward. After all, owning my own business gives me the freedom to choose which hours I work. There is something that feels just a bit naughty about taking a morning in the middle of the week to drink coffee, eat scones, and read by the river! (And that feeds both my freedom and my rebel values!) Let’s face it, you cannot just take a morning to drink coffee during the week when you have a “day job.” And, owning my own business gives me the freedom to do it! On Thursdays, I don’t schedule clients or meetings before 1:00 pm. Taking Thursday mornings off has become one of the ways I create work–life balance and feed the values that are sometimes ignored when I put in the long hours required by most small businesses. It also makes it easier to be disciplined at other times, because I know my freedom and rebel needs are being met in a positive way that still supports my business.
It is preferable to do something that feeds several values or needs at the same time. I encourage you to ensure that your health and relationship values are fed. You can schedule workouts and family time in your calendar. It may require you to draw on your discipline value to ensure you keep those commitments. You can also use these times as a reward for each stage of success in your business. When you complete a particular business phase, go on a family outing as a reward, or feed your freedom value by taking the day off or going away for a couple of days.
Play around with these concepts to see how you might create freedom inside security AND security inside freedom—or whichever values are most in conflict.
Moving Values Up or Down
For several of my clients I create a values session. We work though a number of issues around values and end by “moving” some values up the ranking. I have a wonderful hypnosis technique that actually allows clients to move a value up the scale to a top 5 position. Conversely, we can also move a higher-ranked value down the list to a lower position. I sometimes do this with clients who overwork. (Please note that workaholism is a larger issue that requires more than moving a value down the list to be overcome.)
Moving values is one of the most powerful hypnosis techniques I know. My clients have been amazed at the impact of moving a value to a higher position. Moving a value to a top 5 position often removes the conflicts and allows the unconscious mind to satisfy that value more easily.
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